Day 3

Wednesday
11/23/2011

Today I woke up thinking about the time when I arrived back from Colombia. Everyone asked how was it like and I couldn’t really make sense of it immediatelly. IT took some years to figure it out. Last night I had a little trouble to sleep. Suddenly I felt very vulnerable. I thought of the panics attacks I had in my life and resented not having a boyfriend to call. I remembered of all the freak outs I had, with or without having a boyfriend, and felt a terrible fear that something bad could happen. My story is the story of challenging fear tho. I realize that Austiense is like Tubaronense. It is different from Florianopolitano, which is different from Carioca. It is the people that give meaning to places. The people go and the places go with them. There is always a space, the place goes away. When I left Pedro’s house, the house left too. That house is gone forever, the one who belonged to me and him. What is left there became another house. In Austin, the interior walls are mostly green and blue. The floors are red, sometimes there are patterns. Today Seu Elson told me about his house. He said that he will only leave that house for good the day he goes to the Carlos Sampaio Cemetery, which he really likes. I told him I like that cemetery too. It looks like a peaceful resting for the deceased. Today I started to make more sense of the geography of Austin. I have the impression that people in Austin want to forget. Or just don’t really care to remember. I find the surrounding hills are hollowed out. For clay I think. It must be the reason for so much dust.